The Introduction

I am still in shock to say the least. I am getting ready to see my breast surgeon and all that ran thru my head is... young,upbeat, trendy, hip and in the know! This Dr really knows her stuff, so I hear. But really I am just wondering if my Dr is Merridith Grey's little sister from Grey's Anatomy. ughhhhh, I would rather have Merridith or Izzy as my Dr. I am not sure I want young, upbeat, trendy, hip and in the know. No Wait! I want Dr. Bailey, yes I definately want Dr. Bailey to be my Dr! All I know is I don't want Little Grey! Maybe.... Mc Dreamy or Mc Steamy.... OMG here I am facing a huge crisis in my perfect little life and I am comparing my new Dr that I am meeting for the first time to a TV show! Sheesh Kath get it together girl!

I am ready to go. Hair brushed, makeup on. Here I go t0 meet Little Grey. I am so not looking forward to this. I pull up to the Valet at the hospital (yes, they actually have valet at my hospital) I make my way to the breast center to meet my new Dr. Still thinking she is Little Grey forsure.

My name is called and low and behold there is my new Dr. She isn't Merridith, Izzy, Dr Bailey and she wasn't Little Grey! She is young, she is hip, she is trendy, she is upbeat, and she is definately in the know. They forgot to mention she is gorgeous too. But for me most importantly she is my Dr! Dr Lisa and I loved her!! She spent 3.5 hours with us. She would of spent more time if we had needed more time. She didn't rush us at all. She answered all of our questions, explained everything to us. She even gave me her personal cell phone number and email address! Do Doctors still do that??? Well mine did and really I am so happy with my new Dr!

From her office I go to the oncologist! OMG now I have an oncologist! He is awesome too. wow who would of thought I'd have an oncologist and a breast surgeon. Ok so he plans out our game plan to get thru this breast cancer thing.

Dr V. my oncologist, tells us our my game plan and I am ready to face this head on. I am ready to meet all the challenges of the treatment. I am ready to go thru the good, the bad and yes, even the ugly. I am ready to give this cansur (ya ya I know I spelled it wrong, I will continue to spell it wrong thru out the blog. I give the word no respect so one way to do it is to mispell it) I am ready to get this horrible disease out of my body. It can not stay! No Vacancy here!

I still haven't told my sister that I have Breast cancer. Her surgery is coming up. I have a housefull of guests coming for a bbq to celebrate Eddy's father's induction to the Motorcycle Hall of fame. We had this planned for a year so I couldn't cancel it. 35 guests for a bbq and my sister is in surgery. I knew it was an 8 hour surgery so before the guests would arrive she would be out of surgery and safe and I could go ahead and enjoy this gathering. Well things don't always go as planned. 8 hours turned into 12 and than 14 and than 16. I was a complete wreck so worried about my sister and I was so thankful that one of my best friends Beverly was there with me and she helped entertain the guests and clean up. I couldn't think! I kept calling my brother in law to find out what was going on. He said there were some complications during surgery. Lorrie had edema on the brain which caused multiple strokes and the entire left side of her brain went gray. The right side had to stay strong. She hadn't woken up yet from surgery.

I raced up to the hospital the next day. Lorrie still hasn't woken up. My surgery is scheduled for April 10th. Its April 4th come on Lorrie wake up!!! More complications for my pretty sister! She is in for the fight of her life! She is still in a coma, I look at her and she is truly beautiful. I am praying she wakes up. I am at the hospital everyday until April 9th I have to get ready for my surgery. Good Friday, yup its my surgery date.

Good Friday, ughh surgery time for me. I am not concerned about me, I am concerned about my sister and I know in my heart that if she wakes up she is not going to be the same. I pray that she has a deal with God that if she thinks she can handle life here with us that she wakes up but if it just is to much for her that she go with him.

Lumpectomy on the right side and extraction of all my lympth nodes. NO new boobs for me. I have one normal sized one and one little one. but who cares I am alive!!!

When I wake up from surgery I see my boys and Eddy. I look at my boys and say Auntie Lo Lo died. They said no mom she is still alive. I know she isn't. I don't know why I know but I do know that my sister died when I was in surgery. I told them she was only alive when she was on life support. She died when I was in surgery. They all knew it was true, but they didn't want to tell me. But I already knew! Maybe I talked to her when I was in surgery I don't know. I feel like I did! My sister is gone. My only sister. I miss her so much. I do know she is in a good place with my mom, my dad, susie and all f the many cousins, and family and friends that have gone before us. I can't imagine that there will ever be a day when I don't think of Susie and Lorrie.

This has been a rough year! Not just for me but for so many people. It takes time for the pieces to come together again. So far my life is still a jig saw puzzle. Like they say.... God doesn't hand you what you can't handle, I really do wish he didn't trust me so much! I love God I do not blame God, my faith is unchanged. Just really shitty things happen sometimes and this is almost to much for me to bare.

I am still in for the fight of my own life now and somehow I just have to find something positive in every single day, so I can get thru this. I refuse to be a complainer and whinner. But omg why me, why now?