My First Experience With cancer

My first experience with cancer started in 1978. I was 19 years old and really just starting my life as an adult and not doing a very good job of it! I think I thought my parents were born to support me forever. So I really didn't need to be responsible, they were! So, they could continue to be responsible for me too. I went to college well most days I did. I don't know how I ever graduated. I really figured my parents could be responsibe for all my bills and they could just take care of me forever. The sad part of that is, I really believed that!

My parents were awesome. I grew up in a huge house in a nice safe small town. We never had money worries or at least I never knew of any. We took family vacations every year. My parents were in a boat club so we did alot of boating. I have a ton and I mean a ton of cousins and honestly we have a very close knit family. Because after all in our world " You only trust your family" and "We only have our family" "The Familia" yes, that was first under God.

So, back to being 19 years old.... My parents jetted off to Hawaii with some of my aunts and uncles and some boat club pals for a vacation. Yay I have the house to myself! Party at Kath's!!!
I knew my mom would buy me something spectacular on her trip because she always did! I kinda gave her a list of things I wanted and I was expecting it! I look back now and think...why was I so selfish? Why did I have to be so rude? Why did I expect so much from them? I had everything I wanted and most of all I had a set of parents that my friends wanted and I truly didn't appreciate them at all.

The homecoming back from Hawaii was not pleasant. They arrived home and my tiny beautiful full of life mom was pale, tierd, hurting and looked really unhappy. She forced a smile hugged me said " hi baby, I don't feel good I am going to go lay down" and I was so insulted! Uh excuse me I don't get to hear about your trip? You aren't going to give me any gifts? What you didn't bring me anything? She just said " I am so sorry baby, I was sick the entire trip". All I can say really is I was really a selfish bitch! I really am so ashamed of myself! Why was I so selfish?

Days later my mom is still sick and she was going back and forth to the Dr's office who then sent her to the dentist because her jaw was hurting and then the dentist suggested she see a Chiropractor. My mom was not feeling good and her entire body was now hurting her. Finally they started looking at other things and did a biopsy and found cancer in her lungs, her bones and basically all over her entire body. Her Doctor who she trusted had just lost his daughter so she had to see a Dr she didn't know. He was a nighmare. The Dr came into her room with the results, along with her life expectancy! That was the worst thing he could of ever told her. She did exactly 6 months to the date!

My mom died of cancer. That was my first experience with cancer. I lost my beautiful mom before I could become her friend, before I graduated from college, before I got married and before I had my precious babies Evan and Tyler.

I haven't had my mom in my life for way to long. I feel she was way to young and I was way to young to lose her. To this day I feel I got ripped off and so did my kids. I miss my mom today just as much as I did back then. Some people say it gets easier. I disagree, it never gets easier you just find ways to cope with it.

And than life goes on......