My Pop

I never really knew my dad well. I mean he was my daddy and definately was daddy's little girl but seriously I never knew him. When I was little he was my hero! When I hit high school he just scared me. I don't know why because the man never abused us! He just was such an authority and I totally respected the man. If I ever wanted to do something I would ask my mom first and she would talk my dad into it.

So when my mom died I had no choice but to get to know the man. My dad and I began our father daughter realationship. Ups and downs and arguements but mostly laughter. He was not an easy man for me to get along with because I had a big mouth. Unlike my sister who just agreed with him no matter if she disagreed or not. She still did what she wanted and I never learned how to do that. I had to argue and throw tantrums. But as we both grew older I learned the man had good advise and he truly became my friend. I finally saw this wonderful man that my mother married. He was extrordinary and everyone that met him liked him. He was likable and personable and he had a great sence of humor. I always loved my Pop, but seriously I had no clue what he was about until my mom died. I relied on her , he was just my daddy.

He gave me away at my wedding. He helped us buy our first home. The man sat with my husband for 27 hours at the hospital while I was in labor with my first child. He was a fantastic father, a loving grandpa and a great friend. I learned to truly appreciate and love my father.

We said goodbye to my Pops in 2002. Pancreatic canser. (I know i spelled it wrong but I am giving it no respect and deliberatly spelled it wrong. I think from her on I will continue to spell that word wrong! It gets no respect from me!)

When my dad died I felt like an orphan at 44 years old. I have an older brother and sister and my sister in law Susie and a brother in law. I am divorced with two kids one in college and one in high school. We are all very close. "the familia" Susie my sister in law, took over our family when my mom died. She kept our family together with all the traditions. She really kept us grounded! Susie was only in her late twenties and just starting a family of her own but yet she took on Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and all of our birthdays! And my sister and I let her. Susie was organized and she did it all so amazingly well. She took charge and kept us close and true to family. Lorrie and I were as close as ever, really Susie and Lorrie were my best friends. My confidants, I told both of them all my fears, my dreams and my secrets. Both Lorrie and I had this great respect for both my brother and Susie. But, we did expect her to have Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and all of our birthdays as well as organize our traditional Tamale Day! We appreciated it truly we did but I don't think either of us ever offered to help her. It was just expected. Again, why am I so selfish?

Susie never complained. I think she actually enjoyed being the one we relied on. We were all very close. Lorrie, Susie and I talked daily sometimes twice a day. I love these woman!

So now here it is 7 years since my dad died and I am almost 50! Our Susie died. It was shocking! She was the healthiest person I knew. It was not expected, no warnings, nothing..... she died of brain cancer. Our beautiful Susie is gone and I still to this day can not believe it. Christmas that year was misserable. We are all kinda lost. It is like losing my mom all over again only this time I am older. Lorrie and I are both lost and my brother's heart is broken.

Tamale day... My sister decides she will take on our Tamale making this year... I am so proud of her. They came out great and she was looking forward to next year's Tamale Day! I love my sister.

7 m0nths after our beautiful Susie dies my sister calls me and says "are you sitting down?" I said yep, shoes off on the couch and totally relaxed! She starts off "well, I don't want you to be mad at me" I am thinking uh oh what did she do now? She proceeds to hmmm and haaaaa and finally says " I had a PET Scan, they found a brain tumor behind my left eye" OMG, I burst into tears thinking NO NO NO, she says "Kat, it's not cancer, my Dr has done a million of these surgeries and I will be fine" she is so calm and convincing! She says her surgery date is April 3, and I am thinking thats a month away! She is totally confident that she will only be in the hospital 8 days and going to Las Vegas 3 weeks after the surgery. We all believe her. I am so scared for her. I support her decision and trusted her confidence. We talk 3-4 times a day. My Gosh I love my Sister!

So I get new insurance I have to find a new Dr. No more Kaiser... Hello Blue Cross. I am working my territory and cruise by a Dr's office and decide to stop in see if they take my insurance and sure enough they do! I schedule an appt for a complete physical. I do this not because I feel sick I just know I need a new Dr. 2 days later I meet Judee the physican assistant for my appointment. I still don''t even know my Dr. Judee schedules blood work, chest x-ray, bone density test and a mammogram. No biggie. So 2 days after that I am getting all those things done.

Uh oh, now they want to do an ultrasound on my right breast. Then a biopsy. I am a little nervous. A few days after that I get a call to come in to Hoag's Breast Center to talk to the Dr there. I am really nervous now!